I've Been Hiding

I’ve been hiding.

I didn’t know I was hiding.

I mean, I’ve been working and sharing these last few weeks. I’ve been creating my Movement Makeover and streamlining the pathways for Launch Your Resilient Life. I’ve recorded interviews with LYRL students about their personal stories of becoming more resilient (you’ve gotta check them out, btw!). I’ve been writing my book. I’ve been creating and teaching Restore Your Wild.

And yeah, it’s all been behind the scenes, but I hadn’t really noticed that fact.

What I did notice was that my online business was slowing (even as the requests for 1:1 in-person work - for which I’m at capacity - was increasing!).

This happens from time to time, and I don’t worry about it (well, sometimes my ego gets its knickers in a bunch, but that I don’t worry about much either). Life moves in cycles. But this “cycle” has been accompanied by a general malaise. A fogginess. A sense of full presence in my work being just out of reach.

And that is not about the cyclical nature of life. That’s about something being off.

In conversation with my business mentor about this, she said, “Hey, I’ve been waiting for the big announcement to come out! I haven’t see it yet.”

Yeah. The big announcement. “I’ve been wondering about that, too,” I said.

The announcement has to do with the thing around which most of my life is revolving right now. The announcement about a big shift in my life that reflects so outwardly all of the work I’ve been doing for years. The announcement about this change that is, in reality, the sum total of all three of my online courses.

Truly, this change has come about because of all the work I’ve done in my HeartBody that has helped me Restore My Wild and Launch My Resilient Life. It’s my own life-altering Movement Makeover. It’s the heart of my business being embodied in ME.

And basically, I’ve been keeping it under wraps.

What’s happening in my life might not seem huge to you. In fact, what’s happening isn’t what makes this such a big deal. The big deal is where I was, where I am now, and the movement I’ve done to get here.

Here’s what’s up: I’m moving.

My family is selling our house in Philadelphia and moving to Oregon. And it’s not just something I’m going to do. The final touch-ups on the house are happening and we expect it to be on the market (trapeze bar and couch-less as it is!) in the next couple of weeks. In other words, we’re on our way.

Have I been hiding this?

Kinda. My local clients have been informed. My therapist and various bodyworkers know. My best friends have been hearing about each detail. I casually mentioned it in a newsletter a couple of weeks ago.

But why haven’t I really been open about this?

Why haven’t I been posting pictures of the packing and the cleaning and the crazy amounts of varied types of MOVEMENT I’ve been encountering through this process? Why haven’t I been sharing about how I feel, why I’m doing this, what I am hoping for? Why has it felt like coming out of the closet? Like I’m living a double life?

In sitting with this, I’ve come to a few realizations:

1. This move is the outward expression of the large amounts of developmental work I’ve been doing for years. As such, there’s a tenderness I feel about it, the way a woman might feel when she is newly pregnant after struggles with infertility. It holds no real bearing on anyone else’s life in that regard, but it makes visible the inner work I’ve done, the outer work, too. And I am protective of the new life in me.

2. I’m leaving my roots. I’m from this part of the country. All surviving members of my large family-of-origin live here. Other than my mother who lived in Guatemala the last 10 years of her life, no one else has even lived outside the area. So while I spent six years in California, around college, I’ve felt strong ties to this place. There’s much I love about Philadelphia, but many of those ties haven’t served me and the culture here doesn’t bring out the best in me. I’m forsaking a certain amount of (misplaced) loyalty by leaving. I feel the pain in that.

3. I don’t want to alienate anyone in my choices. This is largely ego: me taking over-responsibility and having inflated ideas of influence. But. But I preach a passionate message of responsibility for your OWN life. And I share on the merits of making life choices that support more resilience, more movement, more wild. And so here I am making a HUGE shift in those regards. Truly, I am moving to Oregon because of all the work I’ve been sharing here with you. At the same time, I don’t want you to think that you have to forsake your roots and make such drastic changes in order to become more resilient. I don’t want to alienate you away from the baby steps that have such huge impact because you’re afraid you’ll have to make bigger changes than you’ve ever want to. You get what I’m saying?

So largely, I’ve just kept this HUGE move under wraps.

So let me now say it clearly:

I’m moving. So that I can move more.

I need to be out of an urban environment. I need to access to wilderness and dirt and clean air (oh dear god I long for clean air!). I need walking on pavement to be a smaller part of my life and climbing in trees to be a bigger part. I need my heart’s desires to be met with the wild in my body. I’m moving so that I can more more.

I’m also moving because I’ve moved more.

It’s hard to say how a person comes to resist a change that seems so obvious. I’ve been wanting to move for years. And there have been A LOT of factors that have made that impossible (you can read about those in the book I’m writing). But at the end of the day, I came back here, to my homeland, to heal. And I’ve healed enough that I am ready to move on to a place that brings out my inner resilience, to a place that calls forth my wild, to a place that more fully connects with my heart. This healing wouldn’t have happened without the movement work I study and teach. It wouldn’t have happened without the calf stretch and the psoas release and the theoretical and practical grounding in whole-body, healthy movement. I’m moving because I moved more.

If you’ve been following along, you know that Launch Your Resilient Life was scheduled to start a live round today. That’s not happening. A live round, with new planning tools, will start on October 10, but I’ve got to change course a bit now that I’m back in alignment with myself and my work. So I’m going to be opening up all three of my courses in the coming two weeks (currently, LYRL is the only one really available for new students).

But first, I want to invite you to go on a journey with me, to open yourself up to more movement in life.

In this live (and recorded) webcast, we're going to explore:

  • What it looks like to have massive resistance around change
  • How choosing on behalf of your body brings power, peace and alignment
  • The tools you need to stay resilient through the ups and downs
  • Steps you can begin taking immediately to open yourself up to more movement

It’s happening on Oct. 4th and the recording will absolutely be made available following, for those of you unable to attend live.

I want you to learn from this wild journey I’ve been on. I want to help you see what it is you really want, where it is you really are, and help you get the tools you need to close the gap.

Now that I’m out of the closet, I’ll be sharing more about this journey with you. And, if you’d like to encourage me with your own stories of making huge moves like this, I will happily receive them as I am sure they will be bits of grace to buoy me along. :)

Until then, let’s move to change!

Once again, you can register to attend Oct. 4's live training here.