I don't want to fix you. I am not asking you to fix you. I want you to come home to yourself, to Love, to Life. Movement is the path I walk to bring me there. It can be yours, too.Read More
I awoke last Saturday morning - my birthday - with the phrase "stubborn belief" swirling around in my head.
I let it settle in a bit, curious about its presence, especially on such a special day.
Under periods of stress (such as during this #movetochange that I shared about last week), old beliefs about not being able to have what I really want/need start to rise to the surface more forcefully. It sounds like, "It can never be." These ideas that were formed so long ago can then come to dominate the other parts of me that aren't bought into this paradigm, the parts that trust in the goodness that is life and in the knowledge that all things are conspiring for my well-being and joy.
So here I was. Stubborn belief.
What it would it be like, I imagined, to stubbornly believe in what might be? To stubbornly believe in the big dreams I hold? To stubbornly believe in the inherent physical, emotional, psychic drive to wholeness? To stubbornly believe that God/Universe/Spirit is wanting good things for me?
In this phrase I could feel strength. Clarity. Calm. Ease, too.
And then some interesting things started happening.
To start with, some of my painful feelings about all of this intensified and I let them rise. I allowed myself to have deep, healing tears and received tremendous external support.
Then I read an article that spoke so deeply to me about my immediate need for radical self-care, for tapping into my wild feminine self to guide me in that.
Then I read some promising research about a supplement I was prescribed that left me feeling really at ease about some things happening in my body.
Then I read a blog post about our deep interconnectedness and how money is a part of that.
Then I received some beautiful gifts that spoke to deep, wild, connected parts of me.
In all of this, I could feel the belief that "it can never be" just starting to slip away, ease up, step off to the side.
I could feel a spaciousness emerge. And in that spaciousness, I could begin to feel my wildness. My deep, intuitive knowing.
My body began to ask for more movement. I wanted to play around. Challenge my muscles. Explore my ranges of motion.
My desires began to emerge more forcefully, and my boundaries, too. No, I don't want to take that course on NVC right now. No, I don't want to facilitate that gathering. Yes, I want to go play in the dirt. Yes, I want to slow down and really listen to my heart.
And my connection to others began to feel more grounded and true.
I didn't will any of this.
None of it was effortful.
I didn't try harder.
I just allowed for the flow.
All of this reminds me of one of the most powerful teachings about health that I've ever experienced.
In fact, my very first newsletter here was about it!
When we think about health in the body, we can think about flow of blood, lymph and electricity. Since how we use our bodies EVERYDAY impacts how things are flowing, we can dramatically improve our health by exploring where flow gets interrupted (or becomes turbulent) and adjusting our movement patterns to address that.
When I first heard this definition from Katy Bowman, a whole lot of things clicked together for me about the body.
But not just in terms of mechanics.
I realized that flow is about so much more. There's flow of emotions. Thoughts. Seasons. Relationships. Chi. Spirit. Energy. Breath. Beliefs. It goes on an on....
And all of these things impact our health.
Our willingness to allow for this flow - a wild, wild act of stubborn belief in the goodness of life! - is what enables things to shift, open up, change, grow, heal.
It's what brings us health - health in our bodies, health in our relationships, health in our belief systems, health everywhere.
As I tap into this flow, I hear my inner wild telling me to slow down a bit. To eat more food. To play more with my family. To go into the woods alone. To get my hands into the dirt. To laugh and pray and to ask my womb for guidance.
And to do all of it in stubborn belief.
For years and years, I've been increasingly feeling the call to move. I am not referring to more exercise (although that's what I'm going to get at in just a moment!), but home moving. Pack-up-the-house-and-rent-a-truck-moving.
I've become aware that where I live doesn't bring out the best in me. I long for a more low-key culture. Better food options. Breath-taking natural beauty. Safety.
I live in an urban jungle. I love my urban jungle. There's easy access to my local co-op and at least 10 coffee shops and three independent book stores. There's the fact that I have my choice of practitioners (to whom I can walk!) and there are people of all types who live in all ways with whom I am connected. There's the train and the beauty of a city blanketed in snow or decorated for Christmas. There are ideas and concerts and art. Everywhere.
But my love of my urban jungle also sits alongside garbage piled on the sides of the road, and people who drive through intersections while I'm walking through the crosswalk, and incredible economic and racial disparities that lead to high concentrations of crime. My home has been burglarized twice. I've been followed. I do not walk at night by myself.
This doesn't work for me right now. I know that a different context is going to bring out the best in me. And so my family is making a plan for that to happen.
But making a plan isn't where I started. I didn't wake up, realize I want to move and then get going on it.
I realized I wanted to move (at least five years ago!) and then I got swallowed up by guilt and doubt and fear. I felt paralyzed. I kept trying to justify why I SHOULDN'T want to move. Why it wasn't good for me. Why I should just stay put.
So I'm no longer in that place. Or maybe better said, I'm no longer in that place as much. When the guilt and doubt and fear come up, I'm more able to smile, say thank-you-very-much, and keep moving forward anyhow. It feels really, really, really good.
SOOOOOO many of my clients are hitting these same sweet spots when it comes to moving their bodies.
Does this resonate? Maybe you hurt, feel scared, or doubt you have what it takes to really start living IN your body. Things aren't working. Maybe you are tired of trying to change. Maybe you are afraid of change. You want to move forward but you're not sure it's even worth it. The other (minimal) shoe is bound to drop.
Have you experienced this in your life? Have you felt really stuck when it comes to getting healthier, when it comes to ramping up your whole body movement? Have you felt too afraid to move? Please come share your story! I have created a new private facebook group so we can build some community and get and give much needed support on our paths to moving more and hurting less.
You can also click the image below to join the group!
It can be hard to be patient with ourselves, to allow for the unraveling that needs to occur as we take steps to becoming healthier. Keep your eyes open and your ear to your heart. We'll find our way together.